Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
that's an acceptable place to lick
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
