just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
