I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
