so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i think my cat just said my name.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
