3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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