My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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