A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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