Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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