apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i will never coherently bang her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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