i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize