guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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