All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
