ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
