What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
