It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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