She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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