I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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