Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
