my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
