i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
