Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
