Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
