also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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