Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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