something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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