I like to think it a success when the cops are called
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
