Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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