whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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