you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
