My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
