My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
