i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
