I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
