this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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