What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
