He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
