Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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