Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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