I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
