Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
