They should really pass out barf bags in church
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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