So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
