did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
