I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize