I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
