Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
