It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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