My first STD was from a foam party
so let's talk penis.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
