He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
