are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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