With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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