I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
