He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When are your genitals available?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
