so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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