We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
