Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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