I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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