i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
