I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
