If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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