I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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