Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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