I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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