That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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