I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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