I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
