Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
