did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
