i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
