Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
