ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
