Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
