Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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