Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
