My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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