Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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