so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
